I Want My Turn

I saw another one of those really annoying informercials on LinkedIn the other day. This one — “How to Escape the VP of Sales Hamster Wheel” — was particularly irksome because of its pernicious pastiche of presumptuousness and pedantry.

Get this:

The day-to-day experience of a VP of Sales can be similar to a hamster wheel. Continuous field questions, distractions, an endless to-do list – and everybody wants to talk to you.

That near-lethal dose of thanklessness is followed by this prescription, for which only #7 warrants elaboration or response:

  1. Establish a Cadence
  2. Sharpen Your Focus on the Indicators
  3. Building the Better Work Week
  4. The Big Deal
  5. Get Ahead of the Game
  6. Sometimes You Have to Say No
  7. Structure a Better Way to Work [translation: hire the company that employs the author of this spam-posing-as-authority]
Don’t Bogart That Emetic

If that kind of stuff makes you as sick as it does me, take a minute to get it out of your system. Then consider this: If there are so many VPs of Sales on the hamster wheel to warrant the writing of this vapid infomercial, business must be pretty good. And if those VPs of Sales are so busy that they might even remotely consider hiring the company of this spam-author for help, how is it they have time to complain about being busy? Most important, if they’re aware of the fact that any number of people at all are out of work — and if, knowing that, they’re still inclined to squawk about being stressed with over-work — what the hell is wrong with them?

If their hectic schedule of bellyaching permits any time at all for a little constructive commentary, and as an alternative to the prescription above, I humbly offer VPs of Sales everywhere a few suggestions that might move their orientation a little closer to reality:

  1. Suck It Up
  2. Get a Grip of Your Knickers
  3. Stop Bitching
  4. Realign Your Priorities
  5. Try Seeing the Glass as Overflowing, Rather Than Half-Empty
  6. Get Your Head Out of Your Keister
  7. Be Grateful
The Bottom Line

If contributing to their companies’ bottom lines has VPs of Sales feeling overwhelmed, perhaps they should consider other lines of work. I hear there’s pretty heavy demand for nose-pickers and professional navel-gazers right about now. And if questions, distractions, to-do lists, and people wanting to talk to them are their biggest complaints, it seems to me life must be pretty good for them, wouldn’t you say?

If they can’t find a way to be happy on the hamster wheel, there are a lot of folks ready to take their places.

—
Image by adman_eu, courtesy of pixabay.com.