The dense streak that necessitated the publishing of “Ten More Signs Your Manager Wants You Out” to let employees know when they’d already hit the skids continues. Only now it extends to the manager who wants you out. That’s right. Apparently, managers are now so obtuse “10 Red Flags Not to Hire That Promising Candidate” had to be published to help them hire folks they won’t want out — or to hire folks they won’t want out so soon.
So, in the public interest, here are 10 more things for which managers should be on the lookout when recruiting that auspicious candidate for that oh-so-special position:
- He brings his lunch to the interview and doesn’t even ask if you want some of his veggie chips while he’s eating it.
- He flosses his teeth at your desk when he’s finished eating.
- He hypothesizes that wedgies may be largely misunderstood (even if he stops short of offering you a demo).
- He asks if he can work from home between his coffee breaks.
- When you oblige him by saying, “Yes,” in response to his asking if you want to see his tattoos, he starts pulling his pants down.
- He asks if the company’s vacation policy for new hires includes paid time off before their start dates.
- He wants to know if his benefits package include complimentary tickets to the World YoYo Contest.
- He asks if he can use is Capital One cash rewards to buy extra sick time.
- He wonders if, on Casual Friday, he’ll be able to wear his Speedo.
- After he picks his nose, he inspects the product of his efforts and muses aloud, seemingly to no one in particular, “I can never decide if I should eat it or flick it.”
Needless to say, the expression, “It’s tough to get good help,” has been around so long it’s all but a cliché at this point. But that doesn’t mean we can or should ignore it. In fact, since we’re apparently missing the telltale signs of misfits, malingerers, malcontents, and myriad manifestations of mustering misery, the least we can do is be on our toes.
As the late, great, and ever-inimitable Dr. Hunter S. Thompson was wont to say, we are, after all, professionals.
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