I saw a LinkedIn post the other day that had 18,400 likes, 619 comments, and 7,791 shares. Those are big numbers.

The post is called, “14 Simple Expectations Great Employees Have of Their Boss“. I’d have been a little less surprised at the numbers if the title had been, “14 Simple Cures for Cancer” or “14 Simple Ways to Restore Respect for Language”. But I may be setting my sights a little high.

Nevertheless, it’s amazing to me that great employees have only 14 expectations of their boss. It’s even more amazing that all of those expectations are simple. And it’s positively astounding that great employees all have the same boss. They must have; otherwise, the title of the post would have been “14 Simple Expectations Great Employees Have of Their Bosses”. But stranger things have happened, I suppose. Chalk it up to coincidence. Or maybe that boss just got really lucky.

In any case, inspired by the post’s huge numbers, and in the feeble hope of duplicating them with this post, the Chautauqua Hub for Enlightened Employment Practice (CHEEP) conducted a survey of 5,209,347,861 employees to determine what they expected of their bosses. Despite the fact that none of the employees was great, all but the newly lobotomized were unanimous in identifying these as their top 14 expectations of their bosses:

  1. That they’ll be allowed to perform their jobs with dignity.
  2. That they’ll be paid.
  3. That there’ll be an open bar at the Christmas Party.
  4. That they’ll be paid.
  5. That they won’t be subject to the obligatory and arbitrary annual review.
  6. That they’ll be paid.
  7. That the quality of their work will trump office politics.
  8. That they’ll be paid.
  9. That they’ll never be required to attend Innovation Training.
  10. That they’ll be paid.
  11. That they’ll win the Disruption Award for insisting on institutionalizing common sense.
  12. That they’ll be paid.
  13. That they’ll be able to work their entire careers without ever hearing the phrase, thought leadership.
  14. That they’ll be paid.

According to the experts at CHEEP, these results suggest two prevalent considerations for prospective bosses who expect to get great employees: (1) You should probably plan on paying your employees fairly. (2) Whatever you pay them, you probably shouldn’t plan on their showing up for a cash bar at the Christmas Party.

To purchase the CHEEP Survey, or to license reprints of this post, call 1-800-THE-BOSS.

Image by geralt, courtesy of pixabay.com.