As regular readers of my ravings are well aware, I’ve had some trouble keeping up with some of the latest developments in eye care, eye ware, and vision-correcting technologies and techniques. Well, I suspect, with no small degree of discomfort, that I may have been blind to some new trend or discovery or something.
On a recent visit to a local wholesale shopping club, I took the photo above of what struck me as a rather curious display. I immediately thereafter sent the photo to my ophthalmologist, Dr. Needleman. Then I called him:
“Doc. It’s Mark O’Brien calling.”
“Yeah, OB. What can I do for you? Have you been wearing the contacts I prescribed?”
“I have. I’m having a little trouble getting my hat … Never mind that! Did you see the photo I just sent you?”
“Hang on. Let me pull it up.”
“Okay. I’ll wait.”
“There it is. What about it?”
“The Trojan Pleasure Packs are in the eye care aisle.”
“Right. What about it?”
“What the hell are condoms doing in the eye care aisle?”
“You’re not joking, are you?”
“No. They’re really there. That photo is unretouched. No Photoshop, no nothing.”
“That’s not what I mean. You really don’t know why the condoms are in the eye care aisle, do you?”
“I truly don’t.”
“Good God, Man. You really are a rube. Do you want me to explain it to you?”
“Well … I was just hoping to … No! No, I don’t. In fact, please don’t tell me. I’m begging you: Don’t tell me!”
“Okay. But if you’re ever curious …”
“I won’t be! I promise. I’ll never call you again.”
I’m a marketing guy. I know I should be insatiably curious about everything having to do with product positioning and promotion. And I know I’ve used this quote before:
He said he should prefer not to know the sources of the Nile, and that there should be some unknown regions preserved as hunting-grounds for the poetic imagination. (George Eliot, Middlemarch)
But professional curiosity and poetic imagination notwithstanding, there are some things — like the reasons for putting condoms in the eye care aisle — you’re better off not knowing.