I’m a sucker. I admit it. I own what was purported to be the deed to the Brooklyn Bridge. And I own swampland in Florida that promises to be prime real estate as soon as climate change renders it an arid plain — or global warming causes the rising seas to turn it into a beachfront paradise. I can’t remember which. But even I won’t go for a tripe filet like this: “Advertising in 2016: Big Data Puts Your Gut Feeling to the Test“.

Try these on:

Already today 77% of consumers believe that companies who create online ads are more engaged with their customers and 58% believe that companies are more trustworthy when producing video content.

Who are these people? And why aren’t they buying what I’m selling?

Google jumping on the band wagon is validating the importance of this tool.

Isn’t the fact that Google is jumping on the bandwagon validating the fact that Big Data is, indeed, a bandwagon? And isn’t it validating that Google, a corporate bureaucracy, is doing what corporate bureaucracies always do — throw money and staff at illusions of bigger, better, faster?

Without [Big Data], your company cannot fully comprehend the needs of your customers on a deep enough level to keep them happy, let alone keep up with competitors.

Let’s try the inverse of that statement, shall we? With Big Data, your company can fully comprehend the needs of your customers on a deep enough level to keep them happy. Fully comprehend. Keep them happy. For this to have the remotest possibility of being true, the needs of your customers would have to be finite (they’re not) and the happiness of your customers would have to be assurable and rational (it’s not).

90% of consumers find custom content useful, while 78% percent believe that custom content is the company’s way of showing their customers that they care about the relationship and are committed to building it.

If 78 percent of the population is that superficial, we’re in deep trouble, kids.

The algorithms used are your resources of inspiration.

If algorithms are your resources of inspiration, you have a lot more than gullibility to worry about.

Image © Cannon International.