My colleague and LinkedIn connection, Derrick Martins, posted what he had to have known would be irresistible bait for a word-shark like me. More specifically, he angled for trouble when he published this piece — “Analytics and Big Data: The Skeptics vs. the Enthusiasts” — in which he asked:
What is a good nine- or 10-letter description of the emerging interest in business analytics and big data that ends in al?
There’s no way I’m swimming away from a shiny lure like that. So, presuming Derrick would be willing to accept a description as short as eight letters — as long as it’s no longer than 10 — I have a few in mind. Here they are:
- Notional. This word can be defined in a number of ways, including of or pertaining to or expressing a notion or idea; of the nature of a notion or idea; abstract, theoretical, or speculative: or pertaining to or expressing a notion or idea; of the nature of a notion or idea; abstract, theoretical, or speculative; not real or actual; ideal or imaginary; give to or full of foolish or fanciful ideas. If you were to ask B2B marketers of seven-figure products or services how they’d characterize their interest in business analytics and big data, they’d likely say, “Notional.” If they weren’t feeling particularly charitable at the moment you asked, they’d likely say something unfit for family viewing.
- Doctrinal. This word refers to a particular principle, position, or policy taught or advocated; something that is taught; a body or system of teachings relating to a particular subject. In this case, the particular subject is business analytics and big data. It’s a principle, a position, a policy, a body or system of teachings adhered to by the doctrinaires of business analytics and big data. Less impressionable folks think it’s hooey.
- Apocryphal. This word means of doubtful authorship or authenticity. As it pertains to business analytics and big data, it’s what everyone but the doctrinaires think.
- Delusional. ‘Nuff said.
Like Furbies, the Flowbee, and Hillary Clinton, big data is a marketing gimmick, foisted by the unscrupulous on the uninformed. And like Blockbuster Video, the Palm Pilot, and Hillary Clinton, it’ll just go away when it’s replaced by something of enduring substance and value.
In the meantime, what’s a good eight-letter description of hooey that ends in it?
Image by geralt, courtesy of pixabay.com.