As a result of existential, ontological, teleological, and epistemological phenomena I can no longer ignore, I’m creating a new philosophy. Perhaps it’s more accurate to say I’m founding a new school of philosophical thought and action. It’ll be called, familiarly, LSA, which is an abbreviation for the more formal name by which it’s officially codified: Leave Shit Alone.
Here are its fundamental tenets:
- If something has nothing to do with you, leave it alone.
- If you’re unsure of something, leave it alone.
- If you know nothing about something, leave it alone.
- If something is working well, leave it alone.
- If something will be diminished, confused, or complicated by your interfering in it, leave it alone.
- If something will be rendered FUBAR by your messing with it, leave it alone.
- If something will cost more because of what you do to it, leave it alone.
- If something will do less good for fewer people because of what you do to it, leave it alone.
- If you think you’re the smartest person in any discussion about anything, leave it alone.
- If you’re a liberal, leave everything alone.
As of this writing, LSA hasn’t yet been added to any college curricula. I’m sad to say I don’t hold out much hope for that possibility. Since we live in an age in which ideologues, dogmatists, and pedagogues are mistaken for teachers, opinion-mongers are mistaken for journalists, hysterics are mistaken for scientists, community agitators are mistaken for statesmen, celebrities are mistaken for authorities, fiction writers are mistaken for historians — and none of them can leave shit alone — the prospects for the adoption of my philosophy are pretty bleak, indeed.
Nor does it seem likely we’ll have a pandemic of sanity any time soon. We seem pretty deeply committed to taking sides, to decrying divisiveness as a means of remaining divisive, for espousing diversity, tolerance, and inclusion even as we crusade ever-more militantly against those who disagree with us. Besides, consensus, solidarity, unifying principles, common causes, acceptance, open-mindedness, and the empirical recognition of reality are so yesterday.
For now, I guess I’ll just have to be the sole adherent to LSA, shake my head, and leave shit alone … for as long as I can.
Image by geralt, courtesy of pixabay.com.