Following in the footsteps of media outlets everywhere, has taken to publishing the patently obvious — packaging it as insight, foresight, clear sight, industry news … or something. Hence we have, “Insurance implications of legal marijuana: Questions continue to roll in“, whence comes this excerpt:

Even before the first wisp of legalized recreational marijuana smoke hit the air nearly five years ago, there were many questions regarding what ramifications this drug would have on the insurance industry. Today, with more than half of the states decriminalizing or legalizing the use of marijuana for recreational or medical use, questions still abound.


Now that we have that out of the way, here’s some real news: Specific Panoptic Liability Insurance for Freaks (SPLIFF) of Ozone, Oregon, has written the first Stoner Policy, developed to provide full coverage for those who partake of cannabis sativa. Medicinal, legal, or otherwise — and whether the drug is smoked or ingested in some other manner — SPLIFF’s Stone Stoner Stipulation states (SPLIFF’s Marketing Department loved this one), “You can’t get higher than our coverage limits.”

SPLIFF is running Purple Haze, a policy administration system developed by Zig Zag Software of Blitz Bluffs, Colorado. The system is able to manage any and all aspects of policy production from application to renewal, including rating, underwriting, coverage limits, endorsements, riders, and (most important) out-of-sequence processing. As a result, the Stoner Policy’s all-inclusive indemnifications include:

  • Navigational Costs, which covers atypical auto mileage and maintenance for those who enjoy driving under the influence, have no idea where they are or where they’re headed, but keep going anyway.
  • Lost-Time Coverage, for those whose time allotments for anything and everything exceed usual and customary limits.
  • Paraphernalia Replacement, just in case your bongs, pipes, hookahs, roach clips, or anything else are lost, broken, or stolen.
  • Personal Injury, for those who suffer rib, diaphragmatic, lung, and abdominal trauma caused by excessive hilarity.
  • An Upholstery Endorsement, for any damages resulting from lit blunts, brownie fragments, or nostril-spewed beer landing on furniture coverings.
  • A General Torpor Rider, for habitual users who’ve lost interest in just about everything.

As part of of its next promotion, the SPLIFF Marketing Department is working on a celebrity endorsement from Cheech and Chong. Oh, boy.

Image by Wunderela, courtesy of