Don’t Blink

Don’t Blink

by | Oct 10, 2014

Sammy’s big on eye contact. When he speaks to you, he likes to look you square in the peepers. And if he thinks your attention is wandering in any way, he’ll get in your face. If push comes to shove, he’ll flop on his side or roll over on his back or...
Would You Like Fries With That Wake?

Would You Like Fries With That Wake?

by | Oct 9, 2014

With all of the emails I receive about funeral insurance quotes, I shouldn’t have been surprised by this. But I was. Call me naïve. After all, if we’re too lazy to get out of our cars for coffee or fast food or banking — things we want, presumably, and...
Settled Science: Breakfast Edition

Settled Science: Breakfast Edition

by | Oct 8, 2014

To understand how absurd a notion is settled science, we needn’t tread the politically inflammatory territory of weather, climate change, and global warming. Nor do we need go so far as to read — let alone comprehend — the one tract that utterly debunks the...
Quote Me on That

Quote Me on That

by | Oct 2, 2014

Prevailing wisdom contends that the most important aspect of direct-email marketing is the subject line. I hadn’t given the notion all that much thought until I started receiving a blizzard of such emails, all with this attention-grabbing subject line: Burial...
Up in Smoke (Signals)

Up in Smoke (Signals)

by | Sep 29, 2014

Some people go to great lengths to make sure they’re not taken seriously. That’s sad because it’s really quite simple. If you want to ensure whatever you have to say is dismissed immediately and out of hand, all you have to say this: “We...